I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
