We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
