how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
