Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
