Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
