my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
