Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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