Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
