Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
