Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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