As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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