I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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