eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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