Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
