eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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