jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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