Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
