I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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