i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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