He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
