Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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