anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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