I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
