You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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