Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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