woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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