no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
