i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
