She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
