i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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