Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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