My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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