hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
