How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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