if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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