This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
