that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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