I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
