You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
