We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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