I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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