Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
