We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't deserve a penis
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
