Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
