Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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