When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
