so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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