do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
