I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
