I want to make a zoo with you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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