Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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