Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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