how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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