im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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